"Little did he know that this seemingly innoculous event would lead to his imminent death"

So, I'm not usually one to plug movies, but you all should go see "Stranger than Fiction," at your first opportunity. It was one of the most enjoyable movies I've seen in some time. It had its weak spots, but anything with Emma Thompson, Will Ferrell, Dustin Hoffman, and Queen Latifah(not to mention Tony Hale from Arrested Development) can't be bad for long. Plus, Metafiction! Anyhow, very good movie, go see it.
So, now that I've told you something to do, it's time for me to tell you something not to do. Don't read Kafka's The Trial. Ever. If you absolutely must read it, stop after chapter nine and pretend it ends there. I guarantee it is a more satisfying ending. Do not under any circumstances finish this book. It will only serve to piss you off.
Actually, it might be a good idea to avoid Kafka altogether. He was a really, really weird guy.
So that's my recommendations for today. I'll end them by recommending that you try mixing Cranberry Juice, Grape Juice, and Pink Lemonade together. It's very tasty.

Don't you get it? If you die in Canada, you die in Real Life! EVERYTHING'S REAL THERE!

You must punch him in the center of his left butt cheek

I've been sparring with David from across the street every week or so, and, though I'm getting better at it, the large bruises on my arms are a pretty obvious testament to my ineptitude at unarmed combat. It's kind of interesting, the differences between using a sword and using the rest of your body. You have to move in a completely different pattern, and your targets get a lot smaller. When I use a weapon, it's an extension of my body, and it seems to be the most important part. My weapon can do all the circling and feinting for me, and my legs just have to move me in and out of range. I'm used to moving in straight lines, at least when it comes to attacking and retreating, so that reflects on my unarmed combat. I try to make the tiniest target possible, facing David almost completely sideways, and that sort of broadcasts everything I'm about to do, because it realy only allows me to do so many things. I make only one or two parts of my body useful for any kind of attack because I'm used to only attacking with one part of my body when I'm armed. Unarmed, however, I kind of have to think of myself in two ways, the body that is the weapon, and the body that is my opponents target. This kind of dichotemy confuses me, because I'm attacking with the same things I'm accustomed to defending, aside from my head and chest. Still, my whole body has to either move offensively or defensively, and I have to move more circularly, and throw my opponent off-balance. I can't wait for him to make a mistake, I have to make him make it, but hiding what direction I'm coming from.
Despite losing a lot, I enjoy this quite a bit. Is this healthy?

Don't you get it? If you die in Canada, you die in Real Life! EVERYTHING'S REAL THERE!

A story about a party

Okay, so I have to tell this story to all of you. It will either make you gain respect for me or lose it, I'm not really sure. I guess it depends on your perspective. As you may know, most of the people at Wooster drink. Most of the theatre people drink even more then most of the other people. So I knew there would be a lot of drinking at the cast party. So privately, I made a decision. I didn't tell anyone. I decided I was going to get drunk at the cast party. Just, you know, to see what it was like.
So I went to the party. And I got a beer. But then I realized I don't like beer, so I put it back. I figured I might as well get drunk on something that tastes good. So I got a hard lemonade. And I opened it. But I couldn't bering myself to take a sip. I kept trying, and I just couldn't do it. It was the strangest thing. It was like there was some mental block I'd put up that would not let me drink. Eventually I passed the open lemonade off to someone else and went home.
So yeah. For better or for worse, I'm not going to drink. Because now I know that even if I wanted to, I can't. Something in me just won't let me.

Humphrey Bogard: Enough is enough. I've had it with these motherfucking
Meerkats on this motherfucking Iguanamobile. It's time to open some windows.